what I’m thinking: I didnt only experience a single traumatic event that made me turn out like this, it was a series of events and I never learned how to deal with any of them so I ignored it all for years until I broke down under its weight. if I only told you about one bad thing that happened then you probably wouldn’t take me seriously because it only had a serious effect on me bc it happened on a daily basis. I also cant even pick out what a relatively normal experience was and what wasn’t bc I grew up with this kind of treatment so it seemed and still seems normal to me. also, I only have very foggy and vague memories of all of the bad things I experienced bc I’ve been dissociating for years.
People with depression can find the simple things overwhelming. Like responding to a text. So when they do feel they are themselves enough to get back to you, don’t give them shit for the late reply. It is an added weight that might kill future conversations.
You’re just like everybody else, you’re going to be one of those best friends that disappear and I’m going to have to explain to my mom why you left when I don’t even know why. You’re a piece of shit for being like everyone else when you promised me you were different. This is why I don’t have friends anymore.
“And this is the quietest room you’ve ever been in, but he’s touching you in a way that makes butterflies shoot up your spine and causes your body to both shutdown and ascend at the same time. And he’s close, so close you can feel his heart pounding against your own like they’re school children shoving one another to be first in line. And you can feel your voice and your breath struggle between being caught and making such a soft involuntary sound that makes the corner of his lips turn upward ever so slightly. And you’re shaking, out of nervousness or the elated feeling of being this next to him, you’ll never know, but damn does it feel good. Doesn’t this feel like home? Against his strong chest, his lips all over you. Doesn’t this make every pain and heartache disappear, to not know where you start and he ends? And you can hear him breathe out your name between ‘I love you’ and ‘You’re so gorgeous’ like this is his last breath on Earth but he just couldn’t save it. And every part of him is warm and strong and so undoubtedly where you belong, the smell of his hair and the taste of his tongue. And there’s a softness in his beautiful green eyes, one that says everything his tongue can’t. And he is yours and you are forever his. And this is the quietest room you’ve ever been in, but you’ve never heard love be this loud.”
